this-is-ryan:

animalstalkinginallcaps:

Walter, have you been mechanized?

BOOYAH! IT’S CALLED A DEFENSE BUDGET, MY FRIEND!

“INSURGENTS” IN IRAQ AND AFGHANISTAN ARE FIGHTING US WITH ANTIQUE AK-47S? LET’S SEE THEM TRY TO USE THOSE ON A GODDAMNED DOLPHIN WITH LASERS. I’M NOT EVEN A PERSON! AND I HAVE LASERS, MOTHERFUCKER!

You don’t think that’s a bit excessive?

WE BOMB LIBYA FOR FUN! WE INVENTED GUNS THAT SHOOT AROUND CORNERS! WE SPEND TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS EVERY YEAR ON “DEFENSE” FOR A COUNTRY THAT IS ESSENTIALLY ISOLATED FROM EVERYTHING EXCEPT CANADA AND MEXICO SO THAT PEOPLE WITH SLINGSHOTS AND REVOLVERS DON’T “TERRORIZE” US! NOTHING EXCESSIVE ABOUT THAT. THAT’S OUR TAX DOLLARS IN ACTION! ALL THAT MONEY HAS TO GO SOMEWHERE. WHY NOT MY FINS?

But this is an illegal war started under false pretenses. Shouldn’t the government be trying to end it, not wasting the money of citizens who want their troops brought home? Shouldn’t we be letting these ‘insurgents’ get back to their lives?

YOU THINK MAYBE OUR RESOURCES WOULD BE BETTER SPENT ON INFRASTRUCTURE AND HEALTHCARE AT HOME? YOU THINK THESE BROWN STRANGERS WHO NEVER ACTUALLY ATTACKED AMERICA JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE TO REBUILD THE CITIES WE ILLEGALLY INVADED AND DESTROYED? WELL, TOO BAD! GOING I’M GOING TO RISE UP FROM THE WAVES AND SAW THEM IN HALF WITH INTENSELY FOCUSED LIGHT! I GOT THAT BOOM BADOOM BOOM BOOM BADOOM BOOM BASS! I GOT THAT SUPERBASS! AND LASERS!

This is pretty much the best blog ever.